Chapter 1. Introduction, and Description of My Current Symptoms
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Chapter 1. Introduction, and Description of My Current Symptoms

Updated July 17, 2014 22:52 GMT.

 

Weymouth Street, London W1, 25 May 2004.

 

A poem by Stephen Cattier.

A Food Poisoned Beggar and a Junior Doctor’s Longest Shift.

Said the doctor: "This is not funny," whilst examining the beggar's tummy,

"For he claims to have crabs and fish inside.

Now that is most illogical, so I’ll send him to the local mental hospital,”

Where the poor fellow nearly died.

The vagrant cried: “I am a mendicant.              

I ate them at the back of a restaurant!”         

And so the poor doctor sat down and cried.

Fatigue caused the physician to incorrectly diagnose the beggar as psychotic.


Total time the author wrongly spent as inpatient of psychiatric hospitals March 1975 - June 1982 = 4 years with six separate admissions. See hospital doctors' reports of author's admissions 1975 - '82. Chapter 6 from item no. 17 onwards.

Total time sectioned under mental health act for refusing psychotherapeutic medication = 2 years 4 months, 1976 - 1982.

Total time not walking 1975 - 1983 = 4 years 8 months.

Total time dumb 1975 - 1982 = basically nearly 4 years.

I was physically unable to watch TV for four years between 1978 and 1982.

Known drugs consumed and prescribed during the illness since 1975: Limbitrol 5; Dothiepin; Stelazine; Kemadrin; Modecate; Electro shock therapy i.e. ECT, six doses; Brietal; Seconal; Depixol; Disipal - orphenadrine; Ritalin; Largactil; Sodium Amytal; Orap - pimozide; Valium; Nalcrom - sodium cromoglycate; a homoeopathic remedy; Omnopon/Scopolamine pre. med & general anaesthetic; Sulpiride; Seroquel; Risperidone; Co-Codamol pain killer; Aspirin; Paracetamol; Distaclor; Metronadazole; Salamol - salbutamol sulphate; Flomax; Bricanyl; Symbicort; Vesicare.  Their effects upon me. 

 

The author's CV. 1965 - 1974. Ten jobs.

Unpaid school prefect - see the prefect yellow badge on my lapel.  Part-time paid school laboratory assistant  whilst a pupil. After leaving school in 1967: Shop assistant. Accounts clerk, Chappell Music, 50 New Bond St., London, W1 (my mother's brother, George, drove their piano delivery lorry for many years). Ozalid (now Océ) Loughton, Essex, stock controller, graphic arts department. Self-employed window cleaner. Bettaware door to door salesman. House repairer, roofer and decorator. Fitter's mate, British Mathews, Epping Essex. Chauffeur, International Stores, Aldgate, London. Fur coat maker, Hackney, London. 

School qualifications: RSA Stage 1 English. From memory, CSE grade 2 English, physics, technical drawing, grade 3 geography, grade 4 maths and metalwork (the latter my favourite school subject - see a lantern I made there).

Current hobbies: Fish keeping. Computer. Watching TV.

Non smoker having only two puffs on one cigarette aged about seven. Did not inhale. My late mother, Ivy, 1923-2002, smoked from before I was born up until age seven. My late father 1922-1999 smoked from age about twenty until 1982. My parents always treated me well.

 

Useful links and news: www.misdiagnosed.com / www.rarediseases.org / Narrative medicine might help diagnose me rather than total reliance on medical tests to prove my case. Diagnosis Goes Low Tech By DINITIA SMITH, New York Times Published: October 11, 2003

Useful links:

www.worstpills.org information on adverse drug reactions.

Brain Injury Directory
A one stop resource for all your brain injury needs.
www.brain-injury-directory.com


A thought for the day from BBC web site Ahead Of  Their Time about why is it so many visionaries are ignored (hear the programme): "If someone appears to be outside the mainstream, there is a natural tendency to reject them. To accept their ideas might undermine your own research, even make your career seem "pointless." So they are ignored, vilified, dismissed or worse. But, by closing its doors, the establishment often holds back progress that might have real benefits for the rest of us." i.e. diagnose me and discover new things about the brain earlier than otherwise for both mine and the human race's benefit.

Academics who know their subject tend to disbelieve the word of ordinary people.

Hear this 2003 BBC Radio 4 programme entitled What is There Left to Discover? about the brain. I wrote years ago to Dr Frackowiak, Prof. Peter Fenwick, and Prof. Colin Blakemore. The BBC web page for this series of programmes. I was unaware of my GP trying to get a PET for me via Dr. Frackowiak in the early 1990s. I thought it was just me tryiing to get it. I talked myself out of it when I incorrectly told Dr. Frackowiak that I wouold not be able to keep still for the scan. That was my anarchic body syndrom getting in the way  preventing me being diagnosed, a symptom of the nerve damage.

Serendipity in scientific discoveries BBC programme .

Even Einstein was at first thought mad when he claimed light could be bent by gravity. However, he became a world's media celebrity when the test was performed with an eclipse of the sun and was found to be correct. He had the clout to get tests done but I have not being a humble psychiatric patient with a lack of funds to keep paying pay for them.

    Introduction

    I have respect and sympathy for my doctors. I am critically ill but onlookers think it 'bunkum'. This is one of the most astonishing cases of medical misdiagnosis and it is amazing I have survived. If doctors had a child claiming to suffer from it they would  look for it, so it is double standards when they refuse to examine me for it. It is unbelievable that they can be so sceptical. They want to discover a new illness and hopefully win a Nobel prize, but a cut off point arises when it sounds too ridculous. People are wrongly admitted to mental hospital just as miscarriages of justice occur in the criminal justice systems. The difference is that my body contains the evidence making it easily to find. A simple drug challenge test only is required. Something to temporarily affect my weak respiration as Omnopon/Scopolamine did in 1988 when I underwent a tooth extraction under general anaesthetic. My voluntary movement problemmade me  unable to alert the staff of it though. I own a blood gas monitor now.

    In January of 1975 Limbitrol exacerbated the nerve damage to the nerves of my mind that I had already acquired from the nervous exhaustion (nervous exhaustion of the mind) as explained above. I require a courageous physician who would not mind receiving ridicule from his colleagues accusing him of looking for "ghosts" to at least perform a drug challenge test as already mentioned. The latest diagnosis I have been given is 'likely' Asperger's syndrome by the Maudsley Hospital, S. London 1999, although my stand-in GP whom I had never consulted before said in a referral letter of May 2004 that I have been diagnosed schizophrenic which I think could mean he is out of touch with my case. I quote the Maudsley consultant psychiatrist: "Without access to the past notes and without a good history from him or his sister it is difficult to be clear, but I feel that it is likely that Stephen has a developmental disorder such as Asperger's syndrome. This seems to have been complicated by a psychotic episode in the 1970's, and perhaps with further psychotic episodes since then." I refused the Clozapine antipsychotic medication the doctor offered me. The doctor is correct about a psychotic episode in the early 1970s because I believed I was doing the right thing helping others but in the process failed to perceive I was evil to myself and family by acquiring nervous exhaustion from overdoing it. Importantly, I discovered in 2004 the doctor had incorrectly thought I had never worked which means my subsequent appeal doctor possessed some wrong information to form his opinion on. Good thing the criminal justice system is better than that otherwise more innocent incarcerated people's appeals would fail.

Causes of my exhaustion event in December 1974. I feel that if I had experienced just one less of any of them (but excluding the over-memorising) I would not have suffered the brain damage:

Sexual repression. 

Between October 1968 and December 1974 had deemed it wrong for unmarried Christians to experience the joys of proceation in the mind. I was told that if Christians fantasise about doing wrong one is guilty as actually doing it. It was also a symptom of my obsessive compulsive disorder. Fornication and loose conduct are forbidden in the Bible - see 1 Corinthians 6:9, and Colossians 3:5,6: "Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects, fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of those things the wrath of God is coming." New World translation. I deadened mine in the wrong way. Severe Zinc deficiency obviously facilitated it. The last straw to cause my breakdown was being unable to cope with falling in love with a female member of my religion in mid 1974. More here. 

Other worries and strains.

1/ Repessed a memory of me being sexually abused once when a young boy by an adult male foreigner neighbour. It appeared to shut down part of my mind's general awareness so that later in life it contributed me me failing to see that I was running myself into the ground and causing nervous exhaustion; I was doing more to try and make myself feel better when I should have been resting instead. I remembered the abuse incident during the nervous exhaustion of December 1974 because my mind had no more energey left to keep it locked away. He had told me not to tell anyone, so from that moment I deliberately forgot about it. 2/ If it were not for me attempting to date the lady in mid 1974 I would have suffered a breakdown then over the Christian ministry - over-preaching from house to house; would suddenly have gone unconscious. 3/ Anyone in their right mind would automatically know it was not obligatory for Christians, who are single and with no responsibilities, to preach a lot if they did not want to do it. I used to know it but forgot it when my mental illness became worse, so that from January 1971 I wore my nerves out preaching too much thinking I would be wicked obtaining a full-time job when people needed to respond to the Kingdom message to save their lives before Armageddon destroyed the unrepentant wicked ones. 4/ Forcing myself to do hateful menial jobs to make ends meet to do the ministrty i.e.  self-employed  window cleaning, door to door selling and house decorating, roofing and repairs. I also plodded on to avoid being a failure. I suffered from obsessive compulsive disorder from January 1969 when I became promoted to a responsible desk job at Chappells Music, 50 New Bond St., London W1. It made jobs harder to do than usual. It was not a major everyday problem though e.g. no constantly flicking a light switch for two hours. When working as a window cleaner I had to wipe the panes a set number of times and in a certain pattern. Re-entering my home's front door to make sure the gas was turned off when I as on the way out. When I was a house painter I could keep returning to the sink to remove every speck of paint from the brush whenever detecting another bit on it. However, OCD seemed to disappear for the last few months up to the breakdown in December 1974. 5/ Trying to remember too  much information after discovering the "miracle" of mnemonics  to remember things easily from early 1974.  6/ The corticosteroid prednisone 1963 - 1966 for ulcerative colitis which adversely affected me mentally. Afterwards I believe it was responsible for making me feel as if I were going about in a wheelchair with the world or life in contact with and sliding past my abdomen. 7/ I believe that the extensive chiropractic therapy I underwent between May 1971 and the breakdown improved my nervous system to such a degree - as well as the molasses and brewers yeast food supplements - that it might have caused my mind to become more awake than usual thereby making those nerves more exhausted than typically occurs in cases of nervous exhaustion. 8/ Failed to possess a mind of my own up to the end of 1974 and so did what people told or encouraged me to do when they were inappropriate for me.

 

The reasons for the approximately twelve sudden  relapses of the illness since 1975 (not in order of occurrence):

Keeping eyes closed for several seconds when they were unable to cope with it; walking; looking at bright light; doing one voluntary thought; working for too long; once crawling upstairs; speaking which caused relapses on three separate occasions; touching a rough texture after I had taken prescribed diazepam (Valium) for two weeks in the Maudsley Psychiatric Hospital, S. London, August 1981.

 

Description of most of my current symptoms. Important: a great and sudden exacerbation of the illness would be caused by overusing the following affected body parts owing to the mind's "battery" or "fuel tank" having its little remaining fuel depleted to a damaging level - the fuel becomes used up more quickly than it is replaced:

Mind

Muscles

Legs

Respiration

Bladder

Eyes

Ears

Nose

Mouth

Skin

Emotions

Drug sensitivity

Reflexes

Body Posture

Mind.

Mind and knowing nerves.

I can only think, read, write, do arithmetic when in the mood and then not for long. Otherwise have only been able to say deliberately or voluntarily an amazing total of two words in the mind since January 1975 and it physically my head. Trying to think words in the meantime is like coming up against a rubber wall in the mind because its muscles too are frequently unable to work. I once worked with figures but could not do it now to save my life. Occasionally I can keep taking seven away from one hundred once or twice in a row but I have memorised it to do it very quickly. When speaking I can guide the thoughts to choose words to a certain extent. An analogy for this is a train on rails only able to go in one direction whereas, a normal mind is like a helicopter which can go in any direction it likes i.e. I cannot change subject at will, and a relapse would result if I tried hard enough to do deliberate thoughts. Endeavouring to do even a slight deliberate thought used to induce spasms in my head and body muscles where my head uncontrollably jerked to the right a number of times and the movements were separated by a second or two. Then in July 2004 following a few amounts of the asthma drug Salbutamol the drug has reduced them to mainly just spasms of the mouth and vocal muscles. I shall do a video of them soon which will be embarrassing to see me acting like a silly fool. However, I dream normally. I have been able to think enough to build radio-controlled model aircraft and personally control them a limited amount in the air via the transmitter, but I have done nothing of this nature since my father died in 1999 because the hobby has been too much for me to do; he used to help. I also built from bought parts my latest desktop computer. It took me four months to get the Raid working because I failed to know that the Iomega disc drive had to be temporarily disconnected while installing the operating system software otherwise it would not load. Something to do with the Promise raid controller. I discovered it in a Forum. I also built from a kit the RCM&E proportional radio control outfit in 1987 but although it flew models for a while it was never 100% successful because I "bit off more than I could chew" trying to make it owing to how my thinking is affected by the condition. This is that when the instructions said short out a certain resistor to enable proper tuning of the radio frequency I incorrectly though it meant connect one end to a battery wire. Instead, one was supposed to join both ends of the resistor together. I removed and rebuilt my father's reliant Robin car engine in about 1985 when a piston ring broke but I had his help doing it. Although he was an engine fitter on Lancaster bombers during world war 2 he did not have the courage to attempt it on his own. Some other things I have done since 1983: installed house lighting and power circuits, plumbing, carpentry, decorating, loft insulation, installed a patio door with help. Built a large garden pond single-handedly in 2002.

Mind and knowing nerves.

Being near large revolving windmills and even seeing them on TV would soon give me a relapse from overusing my knowing nerves for such things owing to hardly any fuel in the latter. Also, I am unable to keep on revolving my legs for long on a bicycle for the same reason. Therefore, I use a Twist-and-Go electric bicycle, instead of a Pedelec that only supplies power when revolving the legs. I am hoping the UK does not bring in legislation banning Twist and go; the EU has banned them. The following revolving items do not affect me: wheels, propellers and anything fast spinning, although I would have to have a rest from them eventually. I reckon I could safely do a seven hour stint on a jet airliner.

Mind and knowing nerves.

To avoid making mistakes when speaking such as saying the opposite I have to take it slowly similar to how a disabled in the leg department person would fall over if walking too fast.

Mind and knowing nerves.

My short-term memory is poor unless using mnemonics but I can only rarely use it. I usually cannot recall when I last went out of the house. Am absent minded such as loosing things in the home. In a conversation I can forget to say something which is basically tantamount to for example a carpenter forgetting he can use a screw instead of a nail. Instead of seeing the whole "picture" on a point of view to always come to the correct thing to say, I am effectively instead looking through a hollow straw at parts of it which can make me say the wrong thing although I think I am saying the right thing. Later, I realise the mistake when the "straw" has moved to the part of the picture that says I should not have said it.

Mind and knowing nerves.

Just as I cannot indefinitely sustain the contractions of my muscles, my mind also cannot hold certain thoughts for long, so that whenever I think of something in particular to write about I must start recording it within about fifteen seconds otherwise I have usually forgotten it. However, I can remember it if I can turn it into a mnemonic (a mental technique to improve memory involving visualizing bizarre imagery of the thing to be remembered), and rarely I can do a seemingly stupendous memory feat using the mnemonics I first started learning in 1974 from Harry Lorayne's book entitled How to Develop a Super-Power Memory - ISBN 0 85454 062 8 i.e. the memorizing of a fixed set of one hundred four digit numbers described on page 161 of his tome. I often forget what I have just said. My mental imagery is usually like watching a slide show where each scene is stationary and there momentarily. Sometimes, though, I can think for a while using animated imagery, and I have built model aircraft, and with help stripped and rebuilt a car engine successfully in about 1985.

Mind and knowing nerves.

Unable to concentrate upon two things at once e.g. I can drop something when retrieving it from a cupboard when my mind has been distracted.

Mind and knowing nerves.

Sometimes, when the adverts start on TV I can forget what programme I have  previously been watching.

Mind and knowing nerves.

It seems I dream normally, and symptoms of my illness' can be in them.

Mind and knowing nerves.

I tend to talk out load to myself a good amount. This is because of the paralysis to my thinking mechanism in that if I have something worrying me enough and as I cannot think the words in my mind at those particular times it comes out as spontaneous verbal speech instead of private words said in the mind. I should not do it because doing too much speaking would cause a relapse. I hope my neighbours do not hear me otherwise they will incorrectly think me mad.

Mind and knowing nerves.

My sense of being in the world has been continually blunted since the beginning of November 1974 which was five weeks before the nervous exhaustion came to a head.

Mind and knowing nerves.

I do not hear voices or hallucinate. However, see here for one week only of hallucinations and a voice - but no actual words - in 1976.

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Muscles

 

Muscles

All of my voluntary movement muscles cannot function safely for long and whenever I think of them whilst using them it makes them loose their strength within several seconds meaning that I have to immediately rest to avoid an instant relapse which would hospitalise me making me unable to walk, speak, communicate and have extremely sensitive senses. To mostly use the muscles I have to first be in the mood enough to use them otherwise a relapse would occur from performing voluntary movements. The time periods that for example I can stand up for without having to sit down range from nothing up to maybe half an hour and I think it could have been as long as two hours when engrossed in building model aircraft in 1988 and 1990 but my legs felt uncomfortable, weak and fragile for a while afterwards. I have to have domestics clean my abode because I dislike housework and so find it too much of an effort to keep getting myself psyched up for it to make my muscles able to work safely. However, I do my own cooking but cannot prepare anything fancy which means I stick to basic catering and eat what I desire at that time.  I psych myself up to eat raw spinach  whenever I acquire dry skin around sore edges of the fingers which cures it. I can prepare pancakes but for example not make bread. For my eating muscles to work safely including swallowing it means I first have to have the desire to munch. Before 1996 (and had suffered from it continually since at least 1980) I was unable to do any voluntary movements at all  without causing immediate and severe muscular spasms. However, I gradually and delicately forced voluntary movements and quickly reached the stage where I can voluntarily turn the TV on and off and go and make a drink; the damaged nerves were worked in like a rusty hinge is moved to and fro to free it up. Until July 2004 forcing movements when I was unable to do them produced muscular spasms of sudden twists of the head to the right and left plus dramatic ones of the torso and sometimes of the voice all accompanied by short periods of total weakness. However, since taking a few amounts of the asthma drug Salbutamol which is a beta agonist the spasms have greatly reduced to mostly spasms of the mouth and arm. See videos of the spasms. Mostly I did not demonstrate the muscular spasms phenomenon to doctors and not at all during EEG brain tests because I was not in the appropriate frame of mind to accomplish it on those occasions. However, I was relaxed enough to reveal them in all their glory (but minus the vocal spasms though) to a new GP in April 2004. Hopefully this means I can now better cooperate with the doctors examining me  for them to hopefully correctly diagnose me.

Muscles

When using them to lift a heavy weight I can only do it momentarily because the little remaining fuel becomes depleted more quickly than usual. See video of me lifting a 77.5 Kg 36 inch TV onto a low stand one end at a time in 2003. To raise my arms I first have to be interested in doing it otherwise the exhausted "battery" cannot supply any fuel safely resulting in a relapse.  When demonstrating how long I can hold up my arms for it is typically only for six seconds at a time because I am not very interested in doing it then. I did build a large 93 cm deep pond by hand in 2002 without any mechanised equipment only because I was very interested in it but I had to have rests to recharge.

Muscles

Importantly, forcing voluntary movements too hard and long would result in a major relapse from exacerbating the nerve damage causing me to be unable to walk, speak, communicate and have much sensitive senses. Each past major relapse has been worse then its predecessors.

Muscles

Sometimes, I experience a momentary, intense, sharp, shooting pain on the top of my left shoulder from the base of my neck which I am convinced is a symptom of my illness, and it can make me shout out.

Muscles

I ride an electric bicycle but can only do it when interested enough in it and this makes me also able to  guide the handle bars to safely reach the end of my journey. Leaning over to turn enables me to steer easier and so venture further compared to a tricycle where all of the steering is done via the handle bars which would wear the arms out more quickly. My arms are held low otherwise if they had to be kept aloft I could not do it at all basically.

 Muscles

Alien hand,  body and mouth syndrome.

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Legs

Legs

e I can only balance upon one leg for a few seconds with eyes shut owing to my mostly paralysed mind  unable to compute enough - see 1.58Mb video of it (Dial up version 138Kb). I used to incorrectly believe it to be a positive Romberg's sign. However, I can do it for about three times longer with eyes open but even more whilst simultaneously watching television.

Legs

The sign for me to stop using my leg muscles (and others) varies but typically they suddenly start to become uncomfortable similar to how healthy muscles are when they have become exhausted upon lifting a heavy weight. At the same time mine give the impression they are becoming fragile and are going to break. When walking I cannot do it for long and have to stop when the legs feel as if they are increasingly becoming entangled with elastic which would break if I did not stop in time. This is demonstrated in the following video of me on the flying filed of the model club I used to belong to, and it is only a momentary pause that time. Others are longer. I use a shooting stick to sit upon. During most major past relapses when I was unable to walk, I would walk or stand a bit  - albeit rarely - whenever the adrenalin became high enough from fright, anger or pain which would override the faulty nerves. I also sleep ran one night during a relapse in mid 1976 on 01 Ward, Claybury Hospital, Woodford Bridge, Essex, when I was virtually unable to move when awake.

 1996 (wmv 966 kb) Video clip Copyright © Michael Thomas. All rights reserved.

Legs

My knee jerk reflex quickly becomes more sensitive and ends in a vigorous shaking spasm of the leg which leaves doctors unimpressed. My other reflexes are similarly sensitive.

Legs

I use a Solartracker electric bicycle rather than a conventional one because I cannot keep on revolving my legs pedalling. Otherwise, continuing to pedal tightens up something in the legs which feels feels about to break. If it did break a relapse would be the result where the nerves would be further damaged. I am safe on the road so long as I do not start thinking about something else - I cannot concentrate upon doing two things at once. See video of my fall off the bike at Essex University in 2003 because of videoing at the same time as riding making me not notice the speed bumps. I got over the first one but could not think quickly enough to negotiate the second one.

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Respiration

Respiration

In the past I have suffered from some asthma that has been caused by touching rough textures which is an effect of the neurological injury. However, in the early morning of June 27 2004 I suffered my worst one caused by alcohol and dehydration.

Respiration

 

A life threatening one of my symptoms is that whenever I am at the beginning of a major relapse my respiration stops whenever I go without food for approximately eighteen hours. It happened twice, in mid 1976 and early January 1977, when I was a psychiatric inpatient, but eating food immediately restarted it because it re-supplied the exhausted nerves with  fuel so that they could continue to function. The body is unable to store something sufficiently to keep them going indefinitely at those times. The first time my breathing temporarily stopped was in February 1975 and it was not owing to going without food but was at becoming excited at a visit by the woman whom I had suffered the December nervous exhaustion event over. This was just after the nerve damage had been exacerbated by one week of Dothiepin in Wanstead General Hospital. I did not feel breathless and it restarted when I made myself calm down. It must have stopped for over half a minute I should think. In 1976 I also failed to feel breathless when it stopped, but in January 1977 I was fighting for breath when it stopped. This is because the severity and sensitivity of the nerve damage had altered to improve it to make me feel breathless then. For example in early 1977 on the Villa ward from one day to the next my feet could be sensitive to being tickled and then immune to it. I have to be careful not to perform voluntary breaths otherwise it weakens the respiration.

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Bladder

Bladder

 

Video of printout of flow rate test 10 December 2004. 1 Mb wmv. See info. on result here but the total amount printed on the result passed with difficulty was 159 ml over the two minute test but I took three minutes in total but did not expel much more.

Copy of the result of my private Harley Street video-urodynamics test January 2004. See video of the journey to have the test. 3.01 Mb wmv. 

Frequency of micturition is increased. Me speaking a lot exacerbates it owing to the link from the mind to the bladder and speaking mechanisms being damaged and fragile. I awake several times nightly to relieve the bladder. I typically pass 150 ml of urine but it can be more or less, and sometimes just a teaspoonful or less. In the January test my bladder should have been filled slowly instead of fast to simulate typical real life conditions to effect a true result concerning bladder capacity. Filling it slowly would have drawn on the "battery" for longer thereby making the typical 150 ml capacity appear on the result. Instead of that the test falsely showed a good bladder capacity voiding.

Trying to hold the urine in would soon cause a relapse from overusing the "battery" but in the meantime the muscles of the bladder neck become weak which then makes it difficult to void. Normally it is not hard to urinate if I do it on time.

Said video-urodymanics test was positive 22/01/04, but on 28/01/04 I was told  it was not greatly abnormal. I did not inform the examining doctor that I could only have stopped the urine flow during the test for a maximum of two or maybe three times in a row owing to the muscles then temporarily stopping working from their short use draining the energy from the broken "battery" in my head. He said not a word when I told him that my bladder problem increases the more I talk. He obviously disbelieved it. I was not well enough to insist it was true. My mind nerves are damaged and they are connected to the speech and bladder. Therefore, it is not so daft a statement after all.

News update about bladder in Chapter 9.

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Eyes

Eyes

To look at anything without it immediately hurting them I have to not think of doing it. I can watch up to around fourteen hours of TV a day but with a few rests in between to recharge. Right from when the breakdown started in December 1974 my eyes have had difficulty looking at anything specific apart from two respites as far as I can recall in 1976 and 1978.

Eyes

Most of the time I am unable to move them around in their sockets at will. They mainly move spontaneously. 

Eyes

Bright light hurts them.

Eyes

In the relapse of Summer 1978 the colour red hurt them.

Eyes

I eventually have to stop looking at moving objects plus the view out of the front of a moving vehicle. Windmills revolving even on TV would soon cause a relapse if I continued to be near them and even if I were not watching them. However, fast moving items such as wheels and model aircraft propellers, engines, drills etc do not affect me like that.

Eyes

I do not think I would be able to wear a blindfold for a long time without it causing a relapse. Certainly I could not do it at all if not interested in doing it. I can only safely keep my eyes closed then or when sufficiently tired such as at night when I get to sleep normally. Roger Coghill's magnets that I placed upon my head for a while until I lost them caused improvement to keeping my eyes closed more in Chapter 9. A sudden major relapse was caused in mid 1976 by me twice in quick succession keeping my eyes closed for several seconds when those nerves were not strong enough to cope, and the relapse made me unable to walk, speak, nor bear any light upon the eyes and I hallucinated for that week too when I heard my father's voice crying in the distance for 24 hours a day. Also, I physically could not sleep at all for eight days owing to the relapse having temporarily damaged my sleep mechanism. I was physically unable to keep my eyes closed at all, although I could blink. The visions then were thrilling, like seeing ones dim dreams or a movie through dark sunglasses. Mainly they were of me walking through a lit city at night with people passing me, and another one was of me travelling down a country lane. The only other time I may have had an auditory hallucination was just after Limbitrol damaged me when I heard two faint drunken men wailing for perhaps a couple of minutes. When I was able to see again that week in 1976 the act of looking hurt my eyes more than previously which meant I had to do it carefully from then on until 1978 when they had temporarily improved enough to be able to look at the television screen for just over three hours at a time. 

Eyes

 I suffered a momentary visual hallucination after being on the antidepressant drug Dothiepin for one week in Wanstead Hospital, E. London, in February 1975. I saw my mother's arm horribly disfigured when she visited me on the ward.

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Ears

Ears

The length of time that I can bear to listen to TV, music and speech varies from seconds to an hour or three depending on how interested I am in doing the activity. The greater the interest the longer the affected "battery" in my head becomes switched on for. The feeling in them when the battery is becoming exhausted that signals a necessary cessation of the activity is both a tightening and stretching of the flesh inside the ear canal.

Ears

Loud sound temporarily removes all of my strength necessitating a lie down for several seconds to recuperate. See video of my reaction to a police car's siren. This sensitivity (hyperacusis) started in 1977 when I could not even bear the low level brushing and hum of a hospital's floor polishing machine working close by my bed. Later, nursing staff used the noise of the ward's vacuum cleaner as a tool to get me to cooperate with them until in 1982 from great annoyance I flung it across the ward with one hand. I have to wear ear defenders whenever I am drilling concrete.

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Nose

Nose

 I am unable to tolerate strong smells for long. Rhinitis and sneezing can be caused by me touching cold and rough things.

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Mouth

Mouth

Tongue is sensitive to strong tastes. I can only safely move it, swallow and chew food whenever I am interested enough in doing it.

Mouth

I have to remove food from off my tongue after only several seconds because the taste mechanism runs out of fuel that quickly. It recharges in between mouthfuls.

Mouth

No cold liquid or cold ice cream have I been able to consume since the big relapse of June 1978 that was caused by me working for up to two hours non stop on my car. However, I can now drink occasional mouthfuls of orange juice from a carton that is at warm room temperature - it feels warmer to the touch compared to plain water.

Mouth

Before I became more sensitive to drinking fluids (thirst) in mid 1992 when I had a slight relapse from over speaking, I could go longer without drinking than I have been able to do since. Before that relapse, if I badly needed a drink but at the same time I had touched something cold or it just felt cold e.g. metal at room temperature, it produced nausea. I cannot now go long enough without a drink for this phenomenon to mainly reoccur.

Speech

Mouth

Currently I can only speak when I am in the mood, but during a major relapse of the condition when I am constantly dumb I can do it a bit albeit very rarely whenever the adrenalin is high enough from fright, anger and pain. However, during those times I can wail and scream for a long periods of time from pain or fear without it causing a further relapse but uttering no actual words.

I can only speak occasionally and it is then spontaneous and I have little control over what I say and cannot stop speaking if I try to do so except when I hold a deep breath but it does not work every time. However, when engaged in a conversation I can suddenly be struck dumb, and it happens earlier the less I am interested in speaking. Sometimes, I accidentally say the opposite to what I mean to utter and sometimes cannot physically correct it. I also say things "back to front" when excited enough and speaking too quickly. Me, speaking, progressively causes in my scalp area (head) a tightening and at the same time stretching sensation on the left-hand side, front top area. I used to tell people that it was occurring inside my brain - although this organ is not supposed to have feeling. The tightness can take from a few minutes to several days to dissipate depending upon how much I have spoken during one session. It can also produce tiredness, and speaking too much makes my bladder functioning more frequent too.

Mouth To avoid making mistakes when speaking ie saying the opposite I have to take it slowly similar to how a disabled in the leg department person would fall over from walking too fast.
Mouth

I tend to talk out loud to myself a good amount. This is because of the frequent paralysis to my thinking mechanism in that if I have something worrying me enough and I cannot think the words in the mind it results in spontaneous speech. I should not do it because over-speaking would cause a relapse.

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Skin

Skin

Sensitive to cool drafts. Cold. Heat. Rough textures.

Skin

I can only stay outside in the open air indefinitely during summer days when the wind is calm. Low temperatures would cause a relapse in a short while. I can do long journeys on my electric bike on warm days without face protection from the wind. Gloves, nylon lined and padded balaclava, and motorcycle goggles do their job for cool summer days and winter winds. My tinnitus (have had this ringing in ears since I was a youngster) increases in volume whenever I am exposed to the cold or even when touching cold feeling objects that are at room temperature e.g. metal. Owing to the latter also being able to give me a relapse by over using the sense of how cold things feel, I thus usually have to pick up metal cutlery that is at room temperature with smooth, parachute nylon material unless, that is, I am only touching them briefly. Any other cloth is too rough for my damaged sense of texture to cope with for long. Consequently, I use the same nylon for sock liners; but for underwear, which has to protect me from rough top clothes, I use polyester/cotton pyjamas worn inside out (to avoid contact with rough seams). I also have to remove most of the buttons because the plastic feels too cold. However, I can wear either plastic polythene disposable or rubber gloves beneath ordinary gloves for protection, and on their own too, but I mostly built my model aircraft bare handed because balsa wood is smooth and warm to the touch whereas wool, for example, is very rough; and me just doing twenty steps barefoot on a woollen carpet adversely affects me, and one of these is that I detect a musty smell in my nose and a sort of sharpness occurs in it too. I can use tools without protecting the skin with anything but only if I am very interested but  I eventually have to stop to let that sense recover. Smaller plastic tools are better than large metal ones, the latter which I cannot touch for long at all.

Skin

Whenever I am not expecting to be touched by someone, the discomfort is so great in that particular area of skin I am being touched that it makes me "jump through the roof;" it also feels that the flesh there would break if touched for one second longer - although I know it will not literally split but would instead exacerbate the nerve damage. On the other hand, whenever I am expecting to be touched, it can still be difficult for me. When I attended a chiropractic clinic (manipulation of the vertebra of the spine) in the 1990s, at the most I had to ask him to remove his hands from my person only once during most ten minute sessions. I even have the same trouble touching myself although I can do it for very much longer but not for long at all when taking my own pulse on the wrist; and at the beginning of the September 1980 major relapse I had to change position in bed every few seconds because whenever I did a thought it made the skin that I was lying on immediately become too sensitive to lie on any longer until it had recuperated from the couple of seconds of rest. This also occurred in the relapse of mid 1978, but in 1980 it went on for longer, and both were so irksome because one cannot rest, and it would be impossible to endure if it were constant.

Skin

I can experience an uncomfortable ectopic heartbeat because of touching something cold. The ectopic beat (a missed beat followed by an extra beat) also used to happen a lot whenever I would think too hard, and also relax the mind. They started in earnest like this several years ago after spending weeks writing a lot where the mental strain further weakened the damaged nerves of my mind. Since then they have recovered so that I do not get many of these peculiar heartbeats now. At their peak I was getting about sixty per day. A 24 hour electrocardiogram test revealed them, but they were not abnormal according to the doctor. Touching cold and rough things can also give me very short-term rhinitis (inflammation of the mucous membrane lining the nose) and sneezing.

Skin

At the times that I have been most sensitive to room temperature (I then had to be totally covered by bedclothes to keep warm), being exposed to it in the early stage caused me to vomit, although I never actually brought anything up.

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Emotions

Emotions

They are dulled. Friends must go after about an hour of visiting me; and during the worst part of a relapse I am unable to have friends visit at all. When in a relapse I am unable to even venture within a metre and a half of my model aircraft because I like them so much. In hospital I could bear my parents visiting me only for around three hours owing to being used to them. 

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Drug sensitivity

Drug sensitivity

The relapses have increased my sensitivity to neurological drugs including to the Limbitrol family. Consequently, I must not be  given tricyclic antidepressants because they would soon prove fatal. On the other hand Benzodiazepines - the other constituent of Limbitrol - I must not take for more than about a couple of days considering they have a less potent reaction on my condition than the former do. I can tolerate a Valium intravenous injection which would be suitable to allow me to undertake a painful minor surgical procedure as happened in 1982, and also allow me to journey to a hospital  when a relapse has made my senses too sensitive to otherwise survive it without a further relapse resulting.

I discovered in 1982 in the Maudsley that I did not react badly to one injection of intravenous Valium (the benzodiazepine also called diazepam) prescribed so that my cut hand could be stitched. However, having it long-term as a sedative would be no good for the nerve damage. I understand it is given for one to be able to bear a breathing tube inserted into the throat in an intensive care unit for drug induced coma to help recover from brain damage. I must not suffer such an accident then when the doctors are ignorant of my main condition. When I stupidly took the prescribed tablets of Valium for two weeks when an inpatient of the Maudsley Hospital owing to not being in my right mind, August 1981, it exacerbated the neurological injury producing a relapse but I was not on it long enough for my breathing to become paralysed.

Drug sensitivity

Limbitrol 5 in January 1975 worked perfectly in eradicating the temporary violent feeling that  followed the last damaging relapse caused from overusing an affected part of the nervous system. I think it also initially put me to sleep. However, after three days on it my voice became paralysed, and eventually I felt sore like I had been sawn in half from top to bottom. On the final evening of taking Limbitrol I managed to force out one sentence but it had the effect of making me feel elongated from side to side. The following day I went paralysed for approximately ten hours except I could breath and maybe spontaneously swallow and blink. My mind went paralysed too. Dothiepin - tricyclic antidepressant - that I took for one week in Wanstead . General Hospital in February 1975 eventually produced a feeling inside my head of very uncomfortable concrete. It also gave me stone cold lower legs towards the end of the week plus on the final day one momentary visual hallucination of my mother's arm horribly disfigured. Also, during that week at one stage whenever I tried to reach out for anything it produced a  sudden and great piercing pain inside my head. The antipsychotic drugs Modecate (fluphenazine decanoate)  and Depixol (flupenthixol decanoate) (I had Kemadrin and Disipal with them respectively) produced a unique and truly devastating side-effect of fear approximately once every three days later on in the illness when I had them, but not in 1975 when I had Modecate. Orap (pimozide), 1981, produced a similar side-effect but I did not take an anticholinergic with it. Depixol's fearful feeling became so bad once in 1979 it nearly made me commit suicide to escape it. Modecate injections  in 1975 produced a different unbearable side-effect minus Kemadrin which meant I always had to take the latter to keep it at bay, but Modecate then never caused the fearful feeling. The side-effect then was of a sort of soreness inside my head that was increasing the longer I was unable to sleep without the Kemadrin. However, Largactil (chlorpromazine) I can take with impunity and without an anticholinergic drug despite big side-effects but they are not what I would call unpleasant. On the other hand the latest antipsychotics i.e. Risperidone, Seroquel etc have such a potent effect upon the nerve damage it means I am virtually unable to tolerate them at all. However, I have not had them with an anticholinergic which might mean I might be able to bear them with it. Otherwise, I was only able to stand minute amounts of them for only up to three days to see if they would improve the nerve damage as when I improved when on Modecate and Kemadrin plus Depixol and Disipal, including Orap in 1981 which temporarily reduced my photophobia but it was not an actual phobia but a symptom of the nerve damage where bright light hurts them. Stelazine in 1975 produced intolerable restlessness called akathisia for one week before I took Kemadrin which eradicated it within twenty minutes. It also produced an intense dystonia where I was bent double with a twisted face for three days during the first week on it and it was falsely attributed by a nurse to anger.  Seconal, given me for a sleep EEG in 1977 failed to put me to sleep until after the test and it was most uncomfortable producing an effect akin to intoxication by alcohol plus a sort of "snowstorm" in my eyes. The antibiotic Distaclor quickly caused me to head toward paralysis. I effectively suffer no reaction to Aspirin, Metronadazole and Paracetamol. Co-Codamol pain killer causes a tightness inside my head. Omnopon/Scopolamine & a general anaesthetic pre. med. greatly reduced my respiration rate in mid 1988. After the general anaesthetic for a tooth extraction/infected jaw my ears hurt within a few seconds when listening to music and speech until hours later when it the drugs had worn off. Sodium Amytal, one dose used as a truth drug in 1981, was nice. I think it was a Ritalin injection prior to being force fed in 1981 that may have been the drug which made me vomit green bile after I had not eaten or drunk anything  for about four days. The drug made me feel somewhat uncomfortable. Electro shock therapy ECT in September 1976 has given me permanent amnesia for one to about four days prior to the therapy commencing. One moment I was in my hospital room and the next I had woken up in the ECT recovery room after the first of six doses given over three weeks when I was unable to walk speak nor communicate. I was not suffering from depression thus it was prescribed unnecessarily owing to the doctor misinterpreting my catatonic- like state which was a symptom of the nerve damage in question and not psychiatric illness. Sulpiride caused a growing tightness inside my head plus I could only listen to speech and music for a few seconds at a time. Consequently, I discontinued Sulpiride after some hours from starting it. Sodium cromoglycate was prescribed for my allergies in early 1983 and I was hardly sensitive to it. It may have improved the damaged nerves enough to get me walking again from February 1983 although I took a homoeopathic remedy too making me unsure which one was responsible. Flomax had virtually no side-effects apart from maybe a somewhat blocked nasal passage at first. Vesicore not too bad on nerve damage but decided to stop it after three days just in case. Prednisone gave me a perfect night, not waking to relieve bladder nor to eat and drink. Would not like to take it for more than two days as it seemed to be increasing an adverse effect upon the nerve damage. Symbicort has no side-effects. Brycanyl  is the same and is perfect for my periodical asthma caused by the nerve damage.

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Reflexes

Reflexes

My knee jerk reflex quickly becomes more sensitive but is only noticed by the person doing the tapping when the whole body suddenly reacts by a  spasm or convulsion after about twelve taps, but it leaves doctors totally unimpressed. My other reflexes are similarly affected.

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Body Posture

Body Posture

I cannot stay still for long. In 1978/79 I was unable to lie down for approximately six months which meant I slept sitting up. That relapse was caused by me overstraining the muscles from crawling up the stairs at home when I was already unable to walk. I improved on Depixol and orphenadrine in mental hospital so that I was soon able to lie down again. However, during the worst parts of some other relapses I have been unable to sit up. When watching TV lying down in bed I have to have the set at a high level otherwise the damaged mind nerves cannot cope for long watching it at a much lower level. Doing the latter eventually causes a temporary distortion of the vision in each eye which is akin to double vision.

Me spinning around on the spot would soon precipitate a relapse.

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I have experienced obduracy from the doctors. If professional scientists can have their true beliefs initially ridiculed by sceptical peers, it means I must have very little chance of becoming diagnosed until science catches up with my ailment. I can receive short shrift from neurologists because they belong to the "if it does not look broken it does not require fixing brigade" - I can walk apparently normally into their consulting rooms and have usually spoken well too. In science the craziness of today can become tomorrow's orthodoxy.

It seems to me medical schools brainwash their students into diagnosing a certain way and the latter can never get out of it to identify new conditions like mine which are the "X Files" of the neurological world. What are they afraid of? They admit to not knowing everything but contradict it when it comes to examining me and so refuse to look for it. Looks to me like University teaches them everything except common sense. They ought to give me more tests just in case I am right which I am. Discovering it might earn someone a Nobel prize especially if it leads to locating the mind's exact location. The physicians' book of instructions on how to diagnose patients is effectively lying to doctors when it says I am wrong and doctors implicitly believe the tome when they know that in the past it has been wrong about things and rewritten. Therefore, why cannot they give me the benefit of the doubt and look for my condition? To do otherwise is just absolute madness perpetuating an ongoing tragedy for me and my family and for anyone else unfortunate enough to acquire the same ailment. The physical suffering doctors have inadvertently put me through at times treating me for the wrong illness has been truly devilish. I hope none of them suffer nervous breakdowns if I become diagnosed from fretting too much over having misdiagnosed me. In September 1976 I was given six doses of electro-shock therapy on my brain against my will on a section under the mental health act which gave me brain damage (i.e. one to several days are blank in my memory up to the first treatment) on top of the type I already had. I wrote in 2004 instructing her not to worry about it if I become diagnosed. She had to make a decision but it was the wrong one to prescribe it.

 I  think all that requires to be done to prove I possess a unique reaction to neurological drugs which would lead to investigating the cause of my main condition is to prescribe the pre. med. Omnopon/Scopolamine. This is because in August 1988 when I received it for a tooth extraction under general anaesthetic it reduced  my respiration rate significantly. Unfortunately, it went undetected because my alien mouth syndrome made me lie claiming it was my heart instead. I should have asked for respiration rate and blood gas monitors. Doctors seem frightened to look for my illness even in such a cheap way. Obviously the younger ones would balk at being ridiculed by their peers from looking for a ghost so to speak, and the older ones would be so sure of themselves that if they looked for it mental illness would be written all over their faces. I wish I had a dollar for every time a scientist has had to eat his words because a new discovery has debunked solid beliefs. Would a doctor who was a member of my religion i.e. Jehovah's witnesses, automatically believe me considering Christians are supposed to trust one another? He would likely instead diagnose me mentally ill as did co religionist  Dr. Wickremasinghe, better known as Dr. Wicks, clinical assistant in psychiatry, Severalls Hospital, Colchester, 1976, when I was an inpatient in the delightful Edwardian Myland Court West. I also wrote to him in 1982. Perhaps I am disbelieved because it is thought a sufferer of my condition ought not to be able to endure it for five minutes let alone the years I have spent misdiagnosed and in mental institutions. I have borne it because of being a Christian and putting my family first - committing suicide as I have been tempted to do on a couple of occasions would have upset them and been a sin. I have always had locked into my brain the belief that Jehovah never allows god fearing peoples' suffering to become unbearable and provides a way out to be able to endure it - 1 Corinthians 10:13. Consequently, I have only been afraid of the condition for three weeks altogether. I did suddenly see it for all its stark reality and my dire predicament for about half a minute in the Maudsley Hospital, South London, locked Villa ward, in early 1977 which made me scream from fright until a mental gymnastic reverted my mind to its previous calm state. I was once told by a GP when I complained about suffering from damage by Limbitrol that I could not possibly be correct because it would affect many and not just me - Limbitrol was not faulty to give me this thing. There might be other cases misdiagnosed, but I could be totally unique in which case I have effectively won the many billions to one lottery considering approximately eleven different things had to occur in my life to produce it. Maybe one of them was my worst fear as a youngster which was of being locked up inside a psychiatric hospital unable to walk, speak and communicate having to be fed owing to an organic illness misdiagnosed as mental illness which I subconsciously made happen?

I wonder how any other sufferers would have coped with the nerve damage caused by the relapses from overusing the affected body parts during the breakdown as I experienced just prior to taking Limbitrol if when they had it Limbitrol was not invented? Although the drugs permanently exacerbated the condition it did put the nerve damage into a phase of advantage where immediately following all post Limbitrol relapses I have experienced no violent feelings. The violent feelings following the relapses from overusing the affected body prior to Limbitrol that were caused from either over speaking or thinking, and walking twice for fifty meters were on the border line of being uncontrollable. However, the final one would have been uncontrollable making me go berserk if I had not received Limbitrol in time which perfectly eradicated it. Otherwise I would have entered a world of horrifying, neurological mental and physical disaster from which it seems no recovery was possible without perhaps being "knocked out" by drugs. Then again maybe the relapses preceding Limbitrol had caused permanent nerve damage and I would have only partially recovered as I have done since. Perhaps Largactil (chlorpromazine) would have been the right medication instead of Limbitrol to quell the violent feeling considering it failed to exacerbate the nerve damage when I received it on a few occasions post Limbitrol. Maybe the drug of choice before the twentieth century' pharmacy would have been constant but temporary intoxication with alcohol, or a strapping down into a chair.  I have to become diagnosed not least to prevent others attaining the condition. The doctors of ancient times dealing with such a patient would have been ignorant of the malady just like today's ones are unless, of coarse, it was believed at some stage by some but the knowledge of it became lost. Perhaps physicians then would have been ready to believe their patients over things such as it. If that be the case then it means medical knowledge has taken a retrograde step in saying I am wrong.

The GP just mentioned told me around 1986 that I could not possibly be suffering from brain damage as I became well in between relapses. I looked totally well but was only partially improved though. I replied that my particular type of brain damage can repair a little after a relapse. Latest research reveals that the human brain does produce new nerve cells. See Awake! magazine, September 8, 2000 issue which has made the GP obviously "eat his words."

If I were a medical doctor and not the patient suffering from this I suppose I would also disbelieve it having not been enlightened by actually suffering from it. I have to say, though,  the misdiagnosis has not been all the doctors' fault. This is because my alien hand/mouth/body syndrome has at times unfortunately put them off possibly diagnosing me because it made them believe my actions proved I was not physically ill. For example, when I saw Britain's King Pin neurologist the late Prof. David Marsden, February 1977, Maudsley Hospital, London, it was only for approximately twenty seconds because I put him off by uncontrollably altering a faulty from the illness very sensitive knee jerk reflex to put him off when I was unable to walk, speak and could barely communicate. He made an instant wrong decision and immediately left uttering these words to his colleague, "We shall talk about this one later," and I never saw him again until nine years later (read his report) when I was walking and talking and then he only performed a physical examination which failed to take into account my unique symptoms. Also, when I paid privately to have a MRI Spectroscopy of the brain in 1995 I could not ask for the brain stem to be examined on the day when I noticed they had left it out, and this was because I was unable to do a voluntary movement to be able to request it meaning I had to let it go. However, I complained after getting home thus I was offered a much cheaper one to examine it but I made the crazy decision to decline it because I wanted the money for model aircraft; I had not wanted to gamble the cash on a possible negative result.

I am upset by the doctors' task of having to save the UK's National Health Service money by not prescribing what they believe are unnecessary free to me tests. My unnecessary four years inside mental hospitals cost them a fortune. I have only become visibly angry in the presence of two doctors which is not bad going considering the severity of the ailment and the length of time of the misdiagnosis, but as far as I can recall I did not call them nasty or swear although I must admit, to my shame, that I have done so in private when I have lost my temper over it all - Romans 12:14. I have not hit one and never shall either. They have feelings too. It goes without saying they would be severely shocked to discover the misdiagnosis.

Incorrectly treating this malady could easily make the patient worse, or kill them by at least paralysing their respiration. Perhaps, though, to be cruel to be kind to help them believe me I should be like the 1960s sci-fi TV character Number 6 in the Prisoner series played by Patrick McGoohan when in the opening scenes of each episode he bangs his fist hard upon the bureaucrat's table breaking the cup and saucer from the vibration. After all, Jesus took physical action against the unscrupulous money grabbers in the Temple. However, if I were to overdo something like that I would be detained on a section under the mental health act. The Bible says as far as it depends upon Christians be peaceful with all persons which, I think, must preclude me doing a "Prisoner" type fit in front of them - Romans 12:18. We have to take the rough with the smooth with doctors and "take it on the chin" and accept it when they err because we ask them to make life and death decisions for us knowing they are not going to get it right all of the time, but it is worse when they are unaware they have made a mistake plus when they disbelieve the injured patient too. My sister - born 1944 - has been both crippled and helped by doctors in that she was born with cerebral palsy after a doctor had said her head was low in the womb when she was born feet first and suffered oxygen starvation when a log became caught delaying exit. A surgeon saved her live in childhood when she had  a burst appendix. Doctors helped me when I was suffering from ulcerative colitis 1963 to 1966 see Chapter 5. This means we would be in a sorry state without them; but some are in a sorry state because of them too.

I was born one moth premature and before the afterbirth which must have disadvantaged me. My mental illness has been virtually totally cured by having my large vitamin B6 and Zinc deficiencies diagnosed and corrected from 1985 by Dr. Stephen Davies, Biolab, London W.1. Pioneering cerebral allergy therapy by Dr. Vicky Rippere (retired), Institute of Psychiatry, S. London, I believe has helped me mentally too in that the food allergies made me feel tired among other things which bogged down my thinking. Cells of the immune system directly communicate with the brain by plugging into nerve cells. I saw it on TV in October 2004. Once upon a time time that idea was heresy particularly when Dr. Rippere was treating me which caused friction with her medical colleagues who thought she was daft I suppose. Well, it was once incorrectly thought Galileo was demonised because of going against established beliefs. Dr. Rippere was also ahead of her time. Shows how things can change. I was once told in the late 1980s by an important immunologist I consulted that his colleagues at his hospital thought he was "off his trolley" for outlandish beliefs about the immune system. In 1982 Dr. Rippere prescribed me vitamin B complex and zinc supplements among others to boost my immune system but her doses were too low to cure my mental problems completely owing to her hospital, the Maudsley, failing to possess the required testing equipment which meant she had to guess the doses until she put me onto the Biolab. I also believe that the corticosteroid Prednisone I took for three years up to 1966 for ulcerative colitis exacerbated my mental illness. Keeping to the exclusion diet keeps me free of tiredness particularly when waking up in the mornings which is wonderful. See Dr. Rippere' letter of 1983 where she says my ige level was high at 493 - normal level should be 0-90 I believe - and that I am 'not 'schizophrenic.' If only the allergies had been diagnosed in childhood because then I would not have been an eleven and a half hour a day in bed person wanting to go to sleep again after waking. I no longer suffer from, spots, boils, black heads, itchy skin and overly greasy hair which were all from food allergy. I think that if I had just had the allergy therapy before the 1974 breakdown without the food supplements it might have been enough to awake my mind sufficiently to prevent myself unknowingly running into the ground and worrying too much. I think the only symptoms remaining of my mental illness are faint traces at times of obsessive compulsive disorder. Metaphorically speaking I can now see 70 km into the distance instead of just 5 cm since the "fog" of mental illness has been cleared from my mind; and if it were not for the brain damage I would be able to see 500 km. See Chapter 8 for the Open Mind, January 1993 published article about me and history of my condition.

Perhaps the Chiropractic spinal adjustments I underwent from 1971 were a factor in my unique  nervous exhaustion breakdown occurring (unless there are others also misdiagnosed) owing to it improving the working of my mind making me more awake mentally than otherwise would have been the case and allowing the mind to become more exhausted than usual. I received a lot of adjustments on my neck vertebrae where chiropractic claims the nerves leading to the mind are located. I was determined not to be a failure  e.g. Romans 12:11, "Do not loiter at your business. Be aglow with the spirit. Slave for Jehovah." New World Translation, causing myself to run harder into the ground than would otherwise have occurred if my mind had been dimmer where it would have been more protected. Chiropractic claims to improve the functioning of the adrenal glands, and in chronic stress these organs cause fatigue, but the tiredness from it disappeared for the final five weeks up to the breakdown in December 1974. www.biopathics.com/BioPDFs/Chronic_Fatigue_Adrenal.pdf and search for Chiropractic Findings. Maybe it was akin to a marathon runner hitting the so called wall before a different body fuel reserve takes over to overcome it, meaning in my case that another fuel source took over from the "smashed" adrenals.

To try and become diagnosed I am willing to volunteer to be a guinea pig for medical research projects. Therefore, I am waiting to hear from medical researchers.

My guess is the damage could reside in the brain stem where all brain signals pass through, but only ordinary MRI has examined it but not detecting anything wrong there. I am wondering if MRI Spectroscopy would work instead, and maybe a PET scan for measuring the Serotonin level. I have already spent getting on for three thousand pounds sterling consulting private doctors and on tests. 

A friend of mine who sufferers from myalgic encephalomyelitis  - ME - whom I first knew in Epping in the early 1970s before he contracted it, was misdiagnosed as a malinger for a long time and he says that he temporarily gets energy to move more whenever he receives enough emotional support. From my experience with my condition I postulated a reason for it that it is because at present the route that the fuel from the fuel tank which the mind uses to move the muscles is damaged and so mostly blocked. However, the physical effect of the emotional support somehow improves the blockade allowing more fuel to flow. How on earth he could have been thought by doctors to be on the skive beats me as he was most selfless when I knew him in the 1970s. For many years up to when the ME struck he had been working part-time to do a lot of unpaid voluntary work preaching from house to house as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I reckon like me he was too selfless which wore his immune system down from the strain allowing the ME virus to take hold. I know someone else who has nerve damage from Lyme disease owing to doctors misdiagnosing him as a malingerer for too long before the antibiotics were prescribed. He successfully sued.

Another reason might be that the route from the fuel tank to the mind does not receive enough oxygen seriously hampering its efficiency, but the emotional support then rectifies this somewhat - widens the capillaries? I hope to ask him how he breaths. Thoracic breathing upsets the blood gasses. Slower abdominal breathing is the correct way which might help?

If it is a virus responsible for the blockade then perhaps the chemicals generated from the emotional support dampens down their activity sufficiently enough for the fuel to egress the fuel tank into the mind's nerves in greater quantity.

(new brain illness, nervous exhaustion damages nerves, nervous exhaustion damages brain, nervous exhaustion damages mind)


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